James Bond vs Austin Powers

I've beefed with Le Chiffre and No and Blofeld with a cheek scar

But they were not as crooked and rotten as your teeth are

I'll go balls to the Walther on this whack twat in a ascot

Blast shots at you like gas from the back slot of a fat Scot

Permission from the Crown to put a scoundrel down? I've earned it

I'm licensed to kill, you couldn't get a learner's permit

After twenty four films, I'm still reaching new heights

Your third movie died, guess You Only Live Twice

Spell my name, the ladies wanna B on D

Any sex appeal you might have is beyond me

I'm bespoke from my head to my toe, and after this flow, I'm done

I only need one round, golden gun

You look a lot more blond in your movie, baby

That's alright, let's just keep it groovy, baby

Basil Exposition told me this would be boring

But Jesus, man, even my mojo's snoring

I've never seen such a miserable spy

I've also never seen a man with glistening thighs

I mean, you can't shag properly with that waxed tush

Birds flock to the musk of my chest bush

Yeah, I'll hypnotize you with a little strip tease

And then the judo chip, I'm swinging on you like the '60s

Yeah, you're defenseless, my rhymes can't be deflected

You're like all the sex I've ever had, unprotected

Yeah, people want a hero with a little personality

No one wants to sit through your gritty reality

Maybe Q can craft some new plot lines

You've made Thunderball two bloody times

I'm one of a kind, you're always getting remade

You can't touch me, double oh, behave

I can't believe I'm wasting my time with this clown

I should be on an island with a fucking model by now

Sipping dry martinis and peeling off bikinis

Not rapping against Swedish penis pumping weenies

That's not mine

I didn't say I was finished, I'm sick of your silly gimmicks

I'm the best spy in the business, just ask all the critics

And I've been through hell, so yeah, I'm a bit of a cynic

But I'm the original model that your frilly ass mimics

I wouldn't exactly call you original

It's the most prominent, dominant, bomb spy, so pay homage

Handing out ass whippings, I'm on some real James Bond-age

Your performance doesn't stir me, and I'm certainly not shaken

If I wanted shitty acting in my action film, I'd go and watch Taken

I see your modern gadgets, and I piss on 'em all

I don't need a Q to break your balls

I'm the granddad of the brand millions of fans have been sold on

You're so far up on my nuts, I should call you Bond, Gold Bond

Yeah, um, could I get back in my rap, please?

Rap these, you velvety hack

It's the movie business, and you've had your six

The world has had quite enough rug-wearing misogynists

Yeah, to be honest, you are a bit rapey

I mean, I like to swing, but Dr. No means no, baby

Oh please, I'm an extraordinary gentleman, I'm distinguished

If they made a Mini-Me, they'd have to cast Peter Dinklage

Or maybe they should cast a Bond who's actually English

Why pussy, aren't you the cunning linguist

As a matter of fact, I've got a knack for licking old cunts

After I beat you, I'll kick the shit out of the man who does your stunts

Now, you listen here you little duck-faced runt

I'm all in, I'm ready to die any day that you want