Zeus vs Thor

Epic Rap Battles of History

Zeus

VS

Thor

Begin!

How dare you challenge my immortal throne?

I'm the father of the Gods, put your daddy on the phone

Maybe Odin could beg me for a truce, 'cause when Zeus lets loose

I'll put your cross dressing neck in a noose

I'm like Medusa, I stone a mother fucker if he looks at me wrong

I'm a bull getting bitches with my swan schlong

I'm on point like Poseidon's trident

Rhymes colder than the frosty balls of your giants

Allow Thor to retort, you shapeshifting rapist

And get a taste of this Scandinavian greatness

Brought forth by my raging thunderstorm force

'Cause I don't get nice, I get Norse (Norse)

Valhalla-atcha boy and we'll flyte it out

But keep your Asgard up, I Ragnarök the house

You tongue kiss your sister, that's grosser than a Gorgon

I'm the thunder down under, nailing Natalie Portman

Who would ever worship someone as abusive as Zeus is?

You're ruthless to humans, your crew is like the clash of the douches

Ruling over the Greeks, a people weak and frightened

I'd spit in your face but you'd probably like it

Only a mindless fool would knock the fathers of philosophy

My Greeks built the bedrock of democracy

With astronomy, they charted out the movements of my kin

All the pimps of Mount Olympus and me the king pin

Let this sink in, I'm about to rain on your parade

Itchy trigger finger quicker with the bolts than Usain

You're history, I'll be the first to put it in writing

MC Hammer just got struck twice by greased lightning

Rain, old man? This is hardly a drizzle

You couldn't give the women in my homeland the sniffles

You can keep your astronomers, I'll sail with the conquerors

For thousands of kilometers, discovering the continents

I'm alpha dog dominant, you can't beat me

I will drop you like Greece's GDP

Send you deeper underground than the depths of your Hades

Now make like your daddy and swallow my babies

You think The Underworld scares the ruler of the skies?

You're joking! Loki must have written your lines

By the time I've finished whipping you with wits and rhymes

You'll need a lighter for your ship 'cause a viking just died

Your glory days are over, the Oracle shoulda told'ya

I'll kick your wrinkly dick back in your toga like "Opa"

Here, take these drachma for your eyes

When you get to River Styx, tell your three headed bitch I say hi (Woof)

Who won?

Who's next?

You decide!

Epic Rap Battles of History