This Bitch Took All My Stuff

This fucking bitch took all my stuff

She took my boots and my Ford truck

She stole the change from my old pants

And used it for her breast implants

I only knew her for three damn weeks

After we got married down by the creek

She signed those papers and took right off

All I got left is our two legged dog

She took my boots and my beat up chair

And peeled the labels off my Tupperware

I need more beer but she took all the money

And there's something I gotta tell you, honey

I called your dad and met him out back

We made love in the rain as a matter of fact

He clapped my cheeks and I stuffed his pipe

I think that things might just be alright

Yeah she keyed my truck and called me a fag

Then she sold my guns for a gucci bag

She told her friends I couldn't get it up

But it worked just fine on her daddy's butt

And I ain't done yet, I got more to confess

I slept with your sister in her prom dress

Then your brother called me feeling alone

So I gave him something to ride home on!

You may have sold my boots but I have my pride

And I took your dad on a hell of a ride

I fucked your brother and your sister too

The whole damn family just got ran through

So you can keep my shit and your plastic rack

I got a whole new family and I'm never going back!