Bells and Whistles

If it pleases the court, and I know that I do

There's something that I simply must address

I have heard a report, and I swear it's not true

About the secret to my great success

So I am here to set the record straight

There are just two methods that I use to help me litigate

Bells and whistles will get 'em off

Although the purists, they may scoff

All you need are bells and whistles to win the case

Though other jurists may say you're a disgrace

The prosecution, they may rest

Convinced that they have done their best

Then I start blowin', I start clangin'

One more Joe avoids a hangin'

Bells and whistles are all you need

Plus a comprehensive knowledge of the law

Plus a comprehensive knowledge of the...

Thank you to the judge and all the members of the jury

I will try to make this brief because I know you're in a hurry

See, my client, the defendant, Dr. Joshua D. Skinner

He was merely at the club to take his darling wife to dinner

He stumbled on the body of Miss Elsie, the decedent

And you may jump to conclusions, but the fact is that you needn't

The prima facie evidence though it's an avalanche

Will be expressly and indubitably proven circumstantial

The testimony's hearsay and it reeks of retribution

So what we have here is nothing but malicious prosecution

And a verdict of not guilty is the only just solution

Bells and whistles are all you need

Plus a comprehensive knowledge, the kind you get in college

A comprehensive knowledge of the law