Nothing Left

I got nothing left to lose All the pain has left a bruise I got nothing left to lose But I got so much left to prove I got nothing left to lose All the pain has left a bruise I got nothing left to lose But I got so much left to prove Lay in bed at night in pain I can't move They tell me Imma be alright I'm like who That can't be me not like this you have no clue I fight myself everyday if you only knew You think I wanna talk about it not with you I know I shut people out it's nothing new Don't expect you to understand my point of view Honestly at this point don't know what to do Turning on the music I'm just sitting back It hurts to put my feelings to a written rap Being honest with myself can I live with that My light it starts to fade now it's getting black It's getting dark but then I start to pull apart what's in my heart It's like time stops and then I drop all of my thoughts into my art But I'm afraid that all the pain will make you wonder if I'm scarred I think that Imma take a drink so I am drunk call me Descartes Why am I depressed in the club like night life sucks My homie next to me on Tinder only swipe right once I turn to him questioning I'm like what's Going on I'm faded never vibed this much I mean girls surround me drinks are on me music's loud but I'm still drowning In my thoughts I still feel lost I will not stop until I've found peace Drinks are pending never ending at this point no longer counting Blacking out 'cause the amount I've had already is astounding And the only reason I'm drinking is for numbing the pain And one these days I'll put a gun to my brain I'm sick of playing life you know I'm done with the game People say they wanna help but then no one will stay It feels hopeless can't control this seems to me I've lost my focus Sit in my chair I feel despair in this notebook just write bogus Nothing matters reality shatters I'm alone as death approaches Tried to pray everyday but God only seems to answer Moses Diagnosed with all the symptoms of anxiety and depression Either I've messed up too many times or I haven't learned my lesson Starting to realize Earth is hell maybe that means death is heaven Bring me back to 2014 in high school when I was just a freshmen That's the last time I remember having control of my life What do I have left to give wonder if my soul's the price The memories will linger on all I can do is hold them tight All I can do is keep living even though it don't seem right Lay in bed at night in pain I can't move They tell me Imma be alright I'm like who That can't be me not like this you have no clue I fight myself everyday if you only knew You think I wanna talk about it not with you I know I shut people out it's nothing new Don't expect you to understand my point of view Honestly at this point don't know what to do