A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying

I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert

That night I strolled on in to Uncle Limpy's hump palace lookin' for love

It had been a while, in fact three hundred and sixty five

Had come and went since that midnight run hauling hog

To Shakey Town on I-10, I had picked up this hitchhiker

That was sweatin' gallons through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs

And one of those fruit of the loom tank tops

Well, that night, I lost myself to ruby red lips, milky white skin

And baby-blue eyes, name was Russell

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying

Well, I find it's quite a thrill when she grinds me against her will

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying

Well, faster than you could say, shallow grave

This pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneading my balls

Like hardboiled eggs in a tube sock

Said her name was Bambi and I said, well, that's a coincidence, darling

'Cause I was just thinking about skinning you like a deer

Well, she smiled, had about as much teeth as a jack-o-lantern

And I went on to tell her that I would wear her face like a mask

As I do my little cooky dance

And then she told me to shush, I guess she could sense my desperation

Of course it's hard to hide a hard-on

When you're dressed like Minnie Pearl

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying

Well, I find it's quite a thrill when she grinds me against her will

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying

So Bambi's gon' on about how she can make my fantasies come true

So I says, even this one I had where Jesus Christ

Is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart

As Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling

A cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus' tummy-tum?

Well, ten beers, twenty minutes, and thirty dollars later

I'm parking the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean

Got to nail her back at her trailer, hey, that rhymes

I have to admit, it was even more of a turn on when I found out

She was doing me to buy baby formula

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying

Well, I find it's quite a thrill when she grinds me against her will

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying

Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch

Gave the tranny a spin and slid on in to the sticky pinky

Gulp and guzzle big rig snooze and stop

There I was browsing through the latest issue of Throb

When I saw Bambi staring back at me from the back of a milk carton

Well, my heart just dropped

So, I decided to do what any good christian would

You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon

Of moo-juice and polish the one-eyed gopher

When you're doing seventy five in a eighteen wheeler

I never thought missing children could be so sexy

Did I say that out loud?

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying

Well, I find it's quite a thrill when she grinds me against her will

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying