It's Teavee Time!

Hello, hello, hello! Welcome My name's Doris Teavee Ah, cups on doilies please This is my husband Norman What? We have a prepared statement! Oh, welcome to you gentlemen and ladies of the press How wonderful to share this day with you You've traveled far and wide Don't be shy, please come inside I've plates of petit-four and cheese fondue The reason that you've gathered Is to meet my little boy The hero of the good old USA So, now if you're all strapped in Let the press conference begin Little angel, do you have something to say? Bang! Bang! Futuristic rodeo! See Captain Knuckleduster Hang em' on high Take your hard-drive, boot em' up For a cyber shoot em' up This is the life, now die! Oh, Mike is just high spirited That's what the doctor said He's just a mini version of my spouse What? And they said it was a phase When he set the cat ablaze But the authorities request, that little Mike not leave the house And so we let him sit at the computer day and night He's promised me that he won't ever budge 'Cause things went from bad to worse When he chloroformed that nurse Darling, tell the people what you told the judge Hack! Hack! I sacked the Wonka mainframe I'm Captain Knuckleduster I'm a super spy Cracked his password 'goldenstar' Never had to buy a bar This is the life, now die! It was just a childhood prank When he stole that German tank But we never wish that we had had a daughter! Medication sets us free One for Mike, and two for me And at six, I pour a shot of mommy water! Well, it has been a pleasure having you inside our home To see he's just a little boy at play And though I break out in the sweats When we hide his cigarettes We've got him down to just two packs a day And now we'll go to Wonka's Where he'll make some brand new friends I pray to God he fits in with the gang But, if there is no TV It'll be like World War III But for now let him go out with a- Bang! Bang! Been playing on for fifty hours Watch Captain Knuckleduster Make the losers cry You can bet for sure this kid'll win Mommy, where's my ritalin? This is the life, now die! Thanks for coming!