The End of the Universe

One of the reasons I'm glad to be back in Atlanta is; since I was here last time, I made an extraordinary discovery that I really want to share with you It's kind of overwhelming Much more so than the discovery that N Sync was gay You see I travel a lot, and the fact of the matte is in my travels I i found something that changed the way I look at things From the beggining of time, man, has looked at the heavens, and firmly believed that the universe ends out in space It's not true The end of the universe happens to be in the United States I HAVE SEEN IT and, oddly enough it's in Huston, Texas I know... I know... I was shocked too I left the comedy club there and walked down the street. On one corner there was a Starbucks. And across the street from the Starbucks in the exact same building as that Starbucks, was a Starbucks At first I thought the sun was playing tricks with my eyes but no there was a Starbucks across from a Starbucks and that my friends is the end of the universe people have said to me how do you know and I said go there stand between those two Starbuks look at your watch time stands still. And if you turn this way, and look just at this Starbucks, imidiately you think "you know when I turn around there can not possibly be a Starbucks behind me" No one would have been that stupid to have built a Starbucks across from a Starbucks and if there was a just and loving god he wouldn't allow THAT KNIND OF SHIT TO GO DOWN so you turn slowly thinking "Well, I'll see a Gap or a Denny's, maybe even a Mobile station" BUT THERE'S A STARBUCKS!! What do you think the man was thinking who stood in the empty line and looked across the street the Starbucks that was already built when he turned to his wife and kinds and said, "you know, I have a vision." I'm gonna build a Starbucks across from the Starbucks {son}:"Why would you do that daddy?" {father to son}: "Because it'll be the end of the Universe, YOU LITTLE SHIT" I've pondered long and hard as to what group of people might need a service like that. I mean a Starbucks across from a Starbucks and there's only one group of people that would need that and that group and there must be a large number of those there are people with Alzheimer's Don't go 'oh' You can't go 'oh' It has to be Alzheimer's okay? It's the only group that makes the joke work okay? What if I said "oh, there must have been a large amount of Jews there" You would have gone, "What the fuck is he talking about?" Oh the Irish they love their coffee beans IT'S ALZHEIMER'S It has to be a group that has to sit there and drink coffe and then get up, walk to the door You see what I see? "Son of a bitch it's a Starbucks" "I think it's time we had a cup of Jo"