Everyone's a Little Bit Racist

Say Kate can I ask you a question?

Sure

Well you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?

Uh huh

Well he's Trekkie Monster and you're Kate Monster

Right

You're both Monsters

Yeah

Are you two related?

What? Princeton I'm surprised at you, I find that racist

Oh well I'm sorry I was just asking

Well it's a touchy subject, no, not all Monsters are related

What are you trying to say, huh? That we look the same to you huh, huh, huh

No, no, no, not at all, I'm sorry I guess that was a little racist

I should say so, you should be much more careful when you're talking about the sensitive subject of race

Well look who's talking

What do you mean?

What about that special Monster school you told me about?

What about it?

Could someone like me go there?

No we don't want people like you

Ha, ha, ha you see

You're a little bit racist

Well you're a little bit too

I guess we're both a little bit racist

Admitting it is not an easy thing to do

But I guess it's true

Between me and you I think

Everyone is a little bit racist sometimes

Doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes

Look around and you will find

No one's really color blind

Maybe it's a fact we all should face

Everyone makes judgements based on race

Not big judgements like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from

No

No just little judgements like thinking that Mexican busboys should learn to speak goddamn English

Right

Everyone's a little bit racist today

So everyone's a little big racist okay

Ethnic jokes might be uncouth

But you laugh because they're based on truth

Don't take them as personal attacks

Everyone enjoys them so relax

All right stop me if you've heard this one

There's a plane going down and there's only one parachute

And there's a rabbi a priest

And a black guy

What you talking about, Kate?

Uh

You were telling a black joke

Well sure Gary but lots of people tell black jokes

I don't

Well of course you don't, you're black

But I bet you tell Polack jokes right

Well sure I do, those stupid Polacks

Now don't you think that's a little racist?

Well damn, I guess you're right

You're a little bit racist

Well you're a little bit too

We're all a little bit racist

I think that I would have to agree with you

We're glad you do

It's sad but true, everyone's a little bit racist, alright

Bigotry has never been exclusively white

If we all could just admit

That we are racist a little bit

Even though we all know that it's wrong

Maybe it would help us get along

Oh, Christ, do I feel good

Now there was a fine upstanding black man

Who?

Jesus Christ

But, Gary, Jesus was white

No, Jesus was black

No, Jesus was white

No, I'm pretty sure Jesus was black

Guys, guys, Jesus was Jewish

Hey, guys, what are you laughing about?

Racism

Cool

Brian, you come back here you take out recyclables

What's that mean?

Um recyclables

Hey, don't laugh at her, how many languages do you speak?

Oh come off it, Brian

Everyone's a little bit racist, I'm not

Oh no?

Nope, how many oriental wives have you got?

What? Brian

Brian, buddy, where have you been? The term is Asian-American

I know you are no intending to be

But calling me oriental offensive to me

I'm sorry, honey, I love you

And I love you

But you're racist too

Yes, I know

The Jews have all the money and the whites have all the power

And I'm always in taxi cab with driver who no shower

Me too

Me too

I can't even get a taxi

Everyone's a little racist, it's true

But everyone is just about as racist as you

If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit

And everyone stopped being so P.C.

Maybe we could live in harmony

Ev'lyone's a ritter bit lacist