Not Paranoid, Just Traumatized (Can't Wait to Write a Whole Album About It)

I used to think I had instincts But I was blind with my eyes wide open Didn't see the strings on my limbs Didn't know I was just your broken Marionette Dancing for the applause of a ghost that never clapped back Standing in the spotlight but the room stayed pitch black You always play the victim, huh? Like I'm the villain, like I set the scene Maybe you just loved the illusion, baby Maybe you liked being deceived Nah, see, that's the trick You made the walls whisper, then told me I was hearin' things Hid the speaker, played the track Then swore you never heard a thing Fed me silence, called it peace Fed me lies, called it trust Had me doubtin' every instinct Like my gut was turnin' rust Now tell me, how do I trust? When my past was staged, when my mind played Judas? How do I trust when I missed every clue? How could you do this? Nothing was real Not the love, not the vows Not the touch, not the sound Not the look in my eyes Just rehearsed devotion She said, "You're just paranoid." Turns out, I wasn't paranoid enough Slow-dancin' with a ghost Didn't know I was the only one in love She wrote my past in ink Didn't see she held the eraser Lies wrapped in love notes Ink still wet, but I was the only note taker Held my face like I was the future Whole time, I was just a pastime Played with fire in gasoline sheets I was layin' there thinkin' it's warm Didn't know you were waitin' to watch me burn Didn't see the cracks in the mirror Last thing she said? "You're not paranoid." Guess the truth should've been clearer Checkin' receipts, checkin' my past Checkin' my breath, do I still breathe fact? Checkin' the footage in my head Frame by frame, tryna catch what I missed But you can't unmask a ghost that's vanished Can't cross-examine a past that don't exist Now tell me, how do I trust? When my past was staged, when my mind played Judas? How do I trust when I missed every clue? How could you do this? Nothing was real Not the love, not the vows Not the touch, not the sound Not the look in her eyes Just rehearsed devotion I don't trust the silence I don't trust the noise I don't trust myself I don't trust my voice I don't trust my shadow It might disappear If I can't trust me How the hell am I supposed to trust you here? Maybe one day I'll trust again But for now, every touch feels like a trick Maybe one day I won't flinch But for now, every hello's like a loaded clip Maybe one day I'll trust again But for now, every touch feels like a trick Maybe one day I won't flinch But right now, every hello makes me sick Maybe one day I'll trust again But for now, every touch feels like a trick Maybe one day I won't flinch But for now, every hello feels like a loaded clip Now tell me, how do I trust? When my past was staged, when my mind played Judas? How do I trust when I missed every clue? How could you do this? Maybe one day I'll trust again But for now, every touch feels like a trick Maybe one day I won't flinch But right now, every hello makes me sick Maybe one day I'll trust again But for now, every touch feels like a trick Maybe one day I won't flinch But for now, every hello feels like a loaded clip