The Mikado: As Some Day It May Happen

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found

I've got a little list, I've got a little list

Of society offenders who might well be underground

And who never would be missed, who never would be missed!

There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs

All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs

All children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat

All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that

And all third persons who on spoiling tête-à-têtes insist

They'd none of 'em be missed, they'd none of 'em be missed!

He's got 'em on the list, he's got 'em on the list

And they'll none of 'em be missed, they'll none of 'em be missed

There's the banjo serenader, and the others of his race

And the piano-organist, I've got him on the list!

And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face

They never would be missed, they never would be missed!

Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone

All centuries but this, and every country but his own

And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy

And who "doesn't think she dances, but would rather like to try"

And that singular anomaly, the scorching bicyclist

I don't think she'd be missed, I'm sure she'd not he missed!

He's got her on the list, he's got her on the list

And I don't think she'll be missed, I'm sure she'll not be missed!

There's the man who wears a wristwatch with an irritating bling

That goes off on his wrist, I've got him on the list!

The way it wakes the stores up when they've all gone off to sleep

He never would be missed, he never would be missed

There's the youngie with his cattle like a crazed orangutan

To think that all that awful junk is made up in Japan

Like electronic earrings that you buy and never lose

And fairy dice you fondle when you want to hear the news

And worst of all those walk mans that go ts-ts-ts-ts

Let none of them be missed, let none of them be missed

You may put 'em on the list, you may put 'em on the list

And they'll none of 'em be missed, they'll none of 'em be missed!