I Didn’t Use To

I made a rule when I was 19 That for a year I wouldn't lie I didn't have a guilty conscience So I made one over time I thought for sure that was a process That we all went through in life I was embarrassed when I found out that it's not At 25, I watched a love I thought was real Get up and go without a word At worse, I rested on my laurels At best, her morals were absurd I saw our future like something I could Program into one that she deserved But I'm doing my best (oh-oh-oh) Yeah, I'm doing my best It's all I have left I think I was made wrong I didn't use to I think I was made wrong But I didn't use to Am I staying too late? Am I talking too much? Was I better off before I knew whether I was? I think I was made wrong But I didn't use to I am capable I stand six feet high I hold records in sports My range is four octaves wide I am capable Yeah, I can do it myself Every note, every frame, every pixel, what else I crochet in half double I type moderately fast I can parallel-park with my arms behind my back Who's next? Let me at 'em I don't care, I got all night I am flawed, I'm a fraud I am whatever you like I want everything and nothing I want silence I want time I want mansions I want social housing I want to provide I want emotional stability I want back my two best friends I want a proper diagnosis But I can't afford the test I am doing my best I think I was made wrong I didn't use to I think I was made wrong But I didn't use to Am I staying too late? Am I talking too much? Was I better off before I knew whether I was? I think I was made wrong But I didn't use to Will I be this way forever? Am I stuck with me? They say it only gets better I guess we'll have to see I'm calling, I'm pleading, I'm begging for help I'm starting to see it like everyone else Am I selfish? Am I bitter? Am I self-involved? Is it worse or is it better if I had known all along? I'm calling, I'm pleading, I'm begging for help I'm starting to see me like everyone else I am human, I am worth more than what I provide I'm starting to think maybe I like That I was made wrong I didn't use to I think I was made wrong But I didn't use to Am I staying too late? Am I talking too much? Was I better off before I knew whether I was? I think I was made wrong But I didn't use to