HELP

You know I'd give anythin' not to drown to my insecurities

And there's a huge difference between knowin' the solution and actually followin' through

I'm so tired of doubtin' myself, puttin' myself down

I just need to ignore all the lies that keep runnin' through my head

Yeah, I show strength even when I'm feelin' weak

I suit up and show up as I'm dealin' with the feat

Depression is present, you can hear it when I speak

And if I tell you I'm okay, I'd be lyin' through my teeth

Racin' thoughts as I'm drivin' in my Jeep

I just wanna feel that peace like I'm dyin' in my sleep

Let's be honest, you wanna know the truth?

I wanna feel that freedom, but I'm stuck in self-abuse

Quiverin', anxiety's through the roof

If I'm not takin' care of me, then I'm not takin' care of you

I fall short, turn around and make a joke

I make light of situations, 'cause I don't know how to cope

I'm stickin' out my hand, prayin' someone pulls me up

I can't cry for help, like my mouth is swollen and shut

I'm all in, I'm rippin' off the mask

I missed opportunities, another year has passed

And yeah, I realize to get older is a privilege

It's a miracle to make it through addiction

To all my close friends, I am sorry I've been distant

I'm sorry I don't text and I'm sorry I don't visit

It's like, life is like a minefield I walk through

Just need a little hope and a God that I can talk to

Nobody is perfect, everybody makes mistakes

I've came a long way, I need to give myself a break

I get so in my head, thinkin' I should be further in life than I am

It cripples me, I struggle, I struggle to live in the here and now

I'm always fixated on the future and it's like, my mind can be so dangerous

And it can become such a dark place

Even in a crowded room, I feel alone

I need to reach out, I can't do this on my own

Colder than mid-February and pained, it is necessary

Illness is hereditary, the trips to the cemetery

Issues by the carload, a pocket full of money but I still fear tomorrow

I've always stuffed my feelings, the process is vital and I can't interrupt the healin'

I went from holdin' a syringe to holdin' my kids

I went from wantin' to die to bein' eager to live

To my wife to be, I know I shut down

Lack of communication, I am not where I'd like to be

I need to be more patient with Brielle

Am I right or wrong? Half the time, I can't even tell

I'm full of flaws, and the work is never done, still

I need to be more affectionate with my son, I mean

Listen, I hope you understand me

I'll go that extra mile while providin' for my family

I stay calm even when I'm triggered

I'm just tryna be a positive father figure

I'm grippin' on to gratitude and prayin' I don't lose it

There's several parts of parenthood where I need improvement

But it's not about me, it's all about the kids

'Cause even when I'm empty, all I ever do is give

You know it's an incredible feelin' to be able to be there for others

Family is everythin', I just want to do my part and I just want to be enough

I want to be that role model for my children and show them that

It's not about the hand you were dealt, it's how you play your cards

I want them to know that they can come to me about anythin'

And they don't ever have to face their problems alone

Isolated in this pessimism and synthetic prison again

I'm headed towards these vicious emotions with no forgiveness

I pick myself up every time I fall

I pick that phone up and guard every time you call

I only seen two options, dead or jail

Now all I see is innocence behind that wedding veil

You can flip that coin, 'cause whether it's heads or tails

I'm embracin' every risk, I won't ever fail

I'll never win the nomination

My past life is not exactly diner conversation

I'm not complainin', I'm just sittin' here and checkin' in

Tired and exhausted, I'm just hopin' for a second wind

I should reach for help, maybe I don't ask enough

Bendin' down and pickin' up the pieces to this fractured trust

I'm drivin' on this lonely road

Goin' toe to toe with all my demons, God only knows

I feel worthless

I beat myself up on them days that I ain't perfect

I should be elated for the fact that I'm alive

I mean, I should be happy for the fact that I survived