The Top Ten Waynes

Stayed a few nights in a sweet holiday spot,

Logged in to the TV, ‘cos it rained a lot.

Watched my shows, then checked the reviews,

Of the local tourist spots, on YouTube.

Now it’s cookin’ shows, yacht repairs,

Videos of animals with menacing stares!

Pimple poppers, crochet crafts,

People openin’ boxes, “try not to laugh”.

My feed’s a mess, why can’t they leave it alone?

I forgot, to log off, at the holiday home!

It’s DIY assembly and LAWNMOWER SOUNDS,

Endless tutorials on “training greyhounds.”

Astronomy lectures; interpreting dreams,

Got conspiracy theories and ROLLER DERBY TEAMS.

Swedish cookin’ shows, yacht repairs,

Videos of animals with menacing stares!

Prank compilations, ASMR,

A twenty-ten concert by Sophie Ellis Bextor.

My feed’s a mess, why can’t they leave it alone?

I forgot, to log off, at the holiday home!

Thought I was being smart, but I was just a fool,

Now my YouTube is EVERYBODY’S tool.

It recommends stuff I’m sure that I never searched for,

From “gardening tips” to clips from “Home Alone 4”

Swedish cookin’ shows, yacht repairs,

Videos of animals with menacing stares!

Ghost hunters, knitting, and RETRO GAMES,

"How to build a shed" and "THE TOP TEN WAYNES."

My feed’s a mess, why can’t they leave it alone?

I forgot, to log off, at the holiday home!

Next time I’ll sign out, that’s for sure,

But for now my YouTube’s just a smorgasbord,

Of cooking and yachts and things unknown,

Thanks to the guests in that holiday home!

(Yeah, at least I learned a few things new to me,

Like, the number one Wayne… is Wayne Gretzky.)