Good evening viewers
Tonight, we bring you a shocking expose on the global epidemic of simping
That has men everywhere bending over backwards for a chance at love
Simping, the act of throwing self-respect out of the window in exchange for a sliver of affection
Has reached levels of cringe that not even Tyler Perry could whip up
It is a sad, sad day when men are resorting to extreme measures
Like learning to juggle flaming pineapples just to get a girl's attention
Eish
And now we have a special treat just for you
An interview with a self-proclaimed simp, who is about to spill the tea on his latest dating disaster
So I just left the restaurant after waiting 30 minutes for a date to show up
And apparently I got stood up
I don't know what to say, like I'm trying to do everything right to be a gentleman
I brought flowers, I've been consistent talking to this girl for two weeks
Trying to get to know what she likes, what she doesn't like
I made plans, I picked the restaurant, the day and the time
You know, I've done everything to be just the kind of guy that would value somebody's time
Like I just, I'm just looking for my person
I'm just looking for the one that, I guess, is out there for me
I mean, I wanna be somebody's husband, father
It seems, it seems that even the most dedicated of simps can't catch a break
Remember gentlemen, there's a fine line between being a romantic hero
And a complete cheese-loving, pigeon wrangling lunatic
Stay tuned for more updates on this wild world of simping
This is your news anchor signing off with a mix of disbelief and amazement
