figuring it out (prologue)

(the next train to arrive at platform 8

will be the 11:11 service to The Grey

calling at The Grey only)

of the men in my life at one time

my father, my ex, my uncle

one (estranged), left, later died

one i adored for years but it fell by the wayside

another i loved since i was born

like one must love a father, and vice versa

then he died

how it goes, i suppose

to love is to lose,

and i know that now

& to lose can be to grow

then to love again somehow

i'm learning all the time

goin' thru it, growing thru it

figuring out what's mine

maybe deep down always knew it

come to accept what isn't yours

(a person never truly is)

on what will you spend your time?

to forge, to grow, to build, to give

of wanting love without attachment

cos that way seems somehow safe

of learning love in dis-attachment just leaves people in its wake

(and probably isn't love at all)

of Sunday mornings spent in dark space tho they only spoke of light

of being half Black, half white

half straight, pan, bi

near 6 feet tall, fro 2 feet wide

in darlington that's pretty hard to hide

learned by force to accept me

had no choice, just exposure therapy

and my family

and realising that:

within us, there's so much complexity

the white n black ain't where it's always at

just where we choose to hide

but deep within the grey is often where the magic lies

figuring it out

(remember: if you see anything suspicious,

please report it to your nearest angel)