One Two

I'm also a drinker so

I have fucked some fours

A shit load of threes

And one two

And when I fucked the two that was the lowest point in my life

I gave up drinking for eighteen months after I fucked the two

That's how important it is to be good looking

I fucked the two and my whole self esteem was ruined

Oh wait, I remember when I fucked the two, I woke up in the morn

Hang on, I'm still writing a letter to my son, by the way

So, I remember when I fucked the two, Hank

I woke up next to her and I rolled over and I was hangover

Like ooh what happened?

And then I saw her and went, oh no, fuck this

And I went into the fetal position, I started, ah, it's a fucking two

That's a two, that's a two

Now everybody in this world likes to think they're a good person

Not all of us are good people, we all think we're a good person

And so my brain did this, come on Jim, you're better than this

Maybe if you talk to it

Maybe you'll find out the thing has dreams or feelings

Give that a go

So I rolled over with the best of intentions like

Hey, do you, oh no, fuck off, and I went back

And she tried to comfort me with a claw

I'll never forget the two

But it's been so long now that I can laugh about it

I do laugh about it, I was in

I was in my car remembering

How the two was the worst thing that ever happened to me

And I was like this, ha ha ha, oh you fucked a two

Classic Jim Jefferies

When will you ever learn?

And I sit in the car

And I was thinking about how fucking the two

Was the worst thing I've ever done in my life

And then my brain did a horrible thing

My brain went, that's how the nine felt when she woke up next to you

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much