Cobble Path

(Tock, Tick, Tock, Tick)

I am at my trial over words I never said

Accused of injury that's in the juries head

It's so confusing

I tried to help you understand

You clutched the purse of your self worth and then you bit my hand

I get so lost in thoughts of why some get confused

And then act frantic like they gotta keep their cool

I’ve lost any scemblence of the remberance of what I could once proudly fight pride in the knowledge of who-he-was.

The then though life long of clawing my way back to crawling each I kept falling each breath a mistake; Avoid all callings that offered resolving my pain I retained for integritie's sake

Every love known left me & rejected questions, when abandoned wit no answers how you learn your lesson.

I've been cursed to walk this earth. How dare you tell me I’m blessed bitch; I’m a cat that’s outta lives, not even death will accept me

Or at least that’s the way I used to see my existence

Lower tides without a rise; a bum with not pot to piss in.

I grew older, winters colder, learned to shoulder my burdens of living life without a hand to hold; my screams never heard in.

My page has turned & I have learned that I am not who I was.

And though I loved him was because him, I could no get above the murky waters of my falters I would stall just to drown in

New convictions old beginnings never learned to surmount em.

Up the creek, I found a paddle now but what was the cost? Reported ordnance at coordinates of where I was lost.

That ****’s dead, so all the blood I’ve bled, what has it been for?

I’ve answered every knock I’ve heard but no one’s been at the door. Avert “the one”, get you to come, then break your heart with a whore.

Repeat the process till you’re nauseous till you’re starving for more

Untill your caution's not an option, not a thought to the thunk, it’s kinda sad that people trash a rag that’s already wrung.

There’s nothing left of me to test I don’t deserve any love, I lost the best of me, now less of me will be good enough.

There’s not digesting me, rejections all a stomach can do. When introduced to a refusal to dissolve into you.

What is divinity in entropy? Decline into madness, when up is down what goes around, feel like I’m climbing the fastest

A single thought of what I got, I’ll lose it in a blink, so I let go of all I hold and drain my dreams in the sink.

I’ve washed my hands of being better than the man I have been.

And learned acceptance in dejection not remembering when. Since I have known to write a poem seems to help a bit through.

Think I can show you how it’s going without missing construed.

Think I was left alone too long and now I’m missing for you.

When you’re the person that deserving what I’d given for proof I always laid me on the line but it was never enough.

My heart obscures & over time guess it begun to get tough.

You love the piece of me, that recently, don’t know if it’s there.

And won’t let secrecy relinquish me your love & your care.

So I risk anything that’s everything to tell you the truth, and maybe make a little sense of what I’m struggling through.

When only four I met the door of deep abandonment issues.

Ain’t ever scored up on the board so I been planin’ to miss you.

And I hate it every time I struggle standing to kiss you when it’s been heavy on my mind if I’m the man you were meant to.

History’s a bitch & you don’t deserve my doubt after struggling for months I see it’s me we’re without.

I’d give anything to reflect & say I was there, but I think being a reject to matter's my heir.

How do I tell her I need and umbrella I’ve had enough heartache with all the rain

Running for months I’m a fumbling dunce never wondering once not a doubt in my pain

Don’t wanna write but there’s not end in sight so I might just keep scribing my stress on the page

With all my might it seems I cannot fight this, the ones I confide in confess in a rage

Memories of past steady catchin’ up fast I don’t know if I’ll last in the tragedies wake

If I could pass up the question some ask if I’m ok I’m ok on the givin’ my take

Never beginnin’ I’m always in sin and I cannot remember the steep if the slope

Seems everyone been yet I’m never within nary time I’m invited to read to reap from my hope

Invalid proof, how do you make a statement so invasive

It’s almost like, it just might be that you know what I’m thinkin’

I’ve no escape, so irate, still pissed and depressed that you’re in

Have no idea so I live every second lacking reason

Why do I feel the same, drugs never kill that pain, swimmin’ in ignorance makin’ it worse

I can’t believe it you say so conceitedly “life is a gift”, it feels more like a curse

If it’s a blessing the giver had got it from outta your pocket forgot it was yours

I do my best to move on and accept it each step an investment neglected it’s worth

I never saw I was missin’ a call from the people who promised to be there for me

Locked in a cage till I lost all my faith you were off exactly where you wanted to be

On the ninth try I was sure I would die till I opened my eyes and I struggled to breathe

Left in the dark, what was left of my heart was ejected, it left me with scars in a scream