Calloused

Life without a counterweight

Is sure to break your soul

Still I always concentrate

On things I can't control

I want to know how to shut it off,

When the cameras start to talk,

Changing my bones to something I'm not,

Ill hide away, won't come out again.

Where do my feelings go?

They overflow,

And get washed away like the sea,

Too much and I'll implode,

Get cynical,

Too little and I feel nothing,

There's no balance in,

The way I see myself,

Still I'm the one you call for help,

Life's not how I pictured it,

It feels more like a loan,

For every ounce of happiness,

There's something that is owed,

Sometimes I'm gold then I lose my gleam,

With just seconds in between,

Faking a smile when I'm struggling,

'Cause I don't want to do this again,

Where do my feelings go?

They overflow,

And get washed away like the sea,

Too much and I'll implode,

Get cynical,

Too little and I feel nothing,

There's no balance in,

The way I see myself,

Still I'm the one you call for help,

I care less,

I'm calloused,

I hold myself for balance,

Is this what Im after?

This beautiful disaster.

There's no profit,

From time spent,

Just scars that mark the violence,

Is this what Im after?

The slaughterhouse or pasture?