Means To Me

I will never find out what she means to me

What she meant to me

I ain't prepared to be talking 'bout this in the past tense

It's wearing me out

Let's do the last dance already

What you say about it?

How does it feel?

Are you conflicted or it seems

As if you blasted confetti?

Harakiri with a panga machete

Was it not meant to be?

Girl from the camp Capuletti

At least I could be happy

I got to spend time with you in Monschau

Mon cher, my god, my prayers

Our time, our days

Day 9, month 8

Aim high, my brain

Outside it's cloudy

Inside it rains, bad weather

I'm tired of blaming myself

I don't think it'll ever end

But it wasn't the first time

I thought something would last forever

I don't see my future past that Christmas present

That ain't ever gonna happen

I felt like I've always been amazed

By how life hands you its own map

Now, my destination is unclear

And I have fallen in a cave

My body's pressured by the fear

My mind is haunted by the pain

And I'm envisioning an ominous doll

The dominoes fall causing horrible noise

Amongst the four walls in this hall

I'm trying to go but I cannot even crawl

All my wounds are peppered with salt

Even if I wanted to I would have no one to call

I am the only one responsible for all of my faults

No matter how much I go for it I cannot let this go

I can fuck with my head but I fell in love with her soul

I've heard everything happens for a reason

Was it the whole movie, an episode or a teaser?

Who the hell's directing this?

And why are all decisions are made

Without me being present there, either?

After all we've been through

Was it real if it ends?

Questions are infinite but please gimme the answer

Would you relive it if you were given a chance?

Could we rebuild it if you were leading the dance?

For now, I feel hopeless

The only option I have is unfortunately ghosting

The soul that I trusted the most is in her bubble

Torn between all the emotional struggles

Juggling, throwing the ball off the wall made of rubber

Will I ever forget how to love her?

When I felt it was a bond stronger

Than between a daughter and her own mother

Am I in denial?

I wouldn't say so

My mind is wired to think before I go

If I saw and realized it was a broken home

I wouldn't lie to myself, I'd let the mold grow

But damn it we both know

It ain't the case

Electricity is gone for a moment but if we stay

A spark always comes back

It needs a little help

We just need to hold hands and pull that lever well