Life Cycled

All my life I felt abandoned

Like I didn't belong anywhere

I didn't have a guardian

To teach me like a coach

Just had trial and error

No comprehension of growth

Wish my dad had a father figure

So he could show me all the ropes And show me how to cope

Instead of loath in my sorrows Help me live up to today

Cause there might not be tomorrow

I got so much anger with him

But ain't even on point no more Cause it's too late to speak up

He ain't even on point no more

My father bed ridden

He cannot use his words

Only thing he do now is observe

And get around the clock care from his nurse,

His nurse is my granny

Thats her lil baby

Wish she showed me the same love she showed him

But all that changed once I became a lady, affection stopped but that money still came in,

But I know she been through a lot cause my grandpa caused a lot of pain (mmmm ahhhh )

See my grandpa is a bully he don't

show no feelings

His only love is his ego and it's bigger than him

He's 6'6 so that says a lot

He barely lets you talk but he says a lot ( ahhh)

I remember when I talked back

as a kid, he pulled my hair it never been the same since

How you supposed to protect

me when you steady neglecting, You treat my grandma like dirt Now guess who's actions

I'm reflecting

Yours

I learned a lot from you, like whenever I feel attacked

I walk away like you, I raise my voice like you

Every time y'all fought she was always the bigger person

You could go days without talking

Who taught you to be a husband

But I know that answer nobody Cause my dad is the same way Which made me the same way That's why I'm now recuperating from that life cycle

But it's my turn and I'm bout to change it

All my life I struggled with my identity

I just needed love but I was raised in hostility

My girl expects me to change my life in a wink

But she don't understand

That toxic mentality was already embedded in me

Sometimes I don't even wanna change for real

Cause I don't feel it internally,

I wanna get all this anger up outta me

That was passed down that came before me cause

It was life cycled life cycled yeah

life cycled, life cycled yea, yeah

You know I needed to get that off My chest

Because, it's not like I can confront them with how I feel

They just gonna discredit my experience, and get defensive

So, this is me breaking that trauma

chain, no more life cycles

Kdike Kdike