Swim

I used to think

That I would sink

If I tried to swim…

so, I didn’t jump in

Told my friends, I’m just taking my time

Emma called me, “patient”

Derek called me, “wise”

I agreed, I believed, I found peace underneath a sunny sky

Now they’re lying on their beach towels

And I’ve barely dipped a toe in

And I’m dying just to feel proud, just a little bit proud of myself

And have something to show for it

To her the ocean is a puddle

Rain boots in the sand,

No plans,

but her thoughts are never muddled

She floats like an umbrella

Her words fall like raindrops

Gravity drapes her like a dress

Her skin isn’t even that red after a belly flop

She sings like Julie Andrews high above the hilltops; hands above her pockets

Now she’s lying on her beach towel

I’m up to my ankles

Trying just to feel proud, just a little bit proud of myself

Make a ripple

Thunder cracks,

They run inside

She picks up her boombox

I readjust my goggles never feel quite right

Nothings ever perfect

My stomach feels like a put it in the freezer

With the frozen dinner

I still have to make

I laugh and it feels good to laugh

It feels good to laugh,

Like an anxiety break

I’ve been so afraid

I’ve been so afraid

Everyday

I’ve been so afraid

I’ve been so afraid

I’ve been so afraid

Everyday

I’ve been so afraid

She said, “here”

“Have a shower beer”

“It will be okay”

“We all have fears to face”

Now I’m lying on my bed

Staring at the ceiling

Feeling just a bit proud, just a little bit proud of myself

That’s enough for now