Ivor Biggun is My Name (feat. The Vulgar Band) [Live in Croydon]

Wanker! Wanker!

Ivor Biggun is my name

Wanking is my claim to fame

To hit the bathroom ceiling is my aim

A week ago last Tuesday I got just above the window frame

If you look carefully you can see the stain

I'm going to wank until I paralyze my brain

"You don't think I'm getting obsessed with all this masturbation bit do you?

You don't think I'm a man obsessed, do you?... You don't think there's anything strange about me..."

I'm going to wank until my testicles burst into flames

Until I yelp and scream with pain

I'm going to get a big piece of wood

A big lavatory door

I'm going to cut a hole out of it

And I'm going to stick my knob

Through the big hole in the lavatory door

And read all the rude stuff that's written on it and get myself excited

And I'm going to ooh-ahh-ooh-ahh-ooh-ahh-ohh-ahh-ooh

Even though I know it goes against the grain

Until I feel all...right!