Step Right Up

Step right up

Step right up

Step right up

Everyone's a winner

Bargains galore

That's right, you too can be the proud owner of

The quality goes in before the name goes on

One-tenth of a dollar

One-tenth of a dollar

We got service after the sale

How 'bout perfume?

We got perfume

How 'bout an engagement ring?

Somethin' for the little lady

Somethin' for the little lady

Somethin' for the little lady, mmm

Three for a dollar

We got a year-end clearance

We got our white sale on our smoke-damaged furniture

You can drive it away today

Act now

Act now and receive as our gift, our gift to you

They come in all colors

One size fits all

No muss, no fuss, no spills

You're tired of kitchen drudgery

Everything must go

Goin' out of business

Goin' out of business

Goin' out of business sale

Fifty percent off original retail price

Skip the middle man

Don't settle for less

How do we do it?

How do we do it?

Volume, volume

Turn up the volume

Now you've heard it advertised

Don't hesitate

Don't be caught with your drawers down

Don't be caught with your drawers down

You can step right up

Step right up

That's right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices

Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn

And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school

It gets rid of unwanted facial hair

It gets rid of embarrassing age spots

It delivers a pizza

And it lengthens

And it strengthens

And it finds that slipper that's been at large

Under the chaise lounge for several weeks

And it plays a mean Rhythm Master

It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar

And it's only a dollar

Step right up

It's only a dollar

Step right up

'Cause it forges your signature

If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product

For complete refund of price of purchase

Step right up

Please allow thirty days for delivery

Don't be fooled by cheap imitations

You can live in it

Live in it, laugh in it, love in it, swim in it, sleep in it

Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it

Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets, that's right

And it entertains visiting relatives

It turns a sandwich into a banquet

Tired of being the life of the party?

Change your shorts

Change your life

Change your life

Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy

Get rid of your wife

And it walks your dog

And it doubles on sax

Doubles on sax

You can jump back, Jack

See you later alligator

See you later alligator

And it steals your car

It gets rid of your gambling debts

It quits smoking

It's a friend, it's a companion

It's the only product you will ever need

Follow these easy assembly instructions

It never needs ironing

Well, it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff

Gives you dandruff

And it finds you a job

It is a job

And it strips the phone company free

Take ten for five exchange

And it gives you denture breath

And you know it's a friend

And it's a companion

And it gets rid of your traveler's cheques

It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned

Well, it takes care of business

Never needs winding

Never needs winding

Never needs winding

Gets rid of blackheads, heartbreak and psoriasis

Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy

Come on, come on

Come on, come on

'Cause it's effective

It's defective

It creates household odors

It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection

It gives you an erection

It wins the election

Why put up with painful corns any longer?

It's a redeemable coupon

No obligation

No salesman will visit your home

We got a jackpot

Jackpot

Jackpot

Prizes, prizes, prizes

All work guaranteed

How do we do it?

How do we do it?

How do we do it?

How do we do it?

We need your business

We're going out of business

We'll give you the business

Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale

Receive our free brochure

Free brochure

Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions

Batteries not included

Send before midnight tomorrow

Terms available

Step right up

Step right up

Step right up

You got it, buddy

The large print giveth and the small print taketh away

Step right up

You can step right up

You can step right up

Come on, step right up

(Get away from me, kid, you're botherin' me)

Step right up

Step right up

Step right up

Come on, come on, come on

Come on, come on

Step right up

You can step right up

Come on and step right up

Come on, step right up