The Ugly Truth

I know you hope to go to the big you-know-where

And you're here to try to earn your ticket there

Better listen now or you haven't got a prayer

Let me break it down, ooh

If you want someone to love ya

Babe, you gotta look like me (Like me)

Gotta be flawless, pure perfection, not for shelf (For shelf)

And my first impression of ya, as far as I can see (Can see)

Is you simply can't compete with my sweet self (Your sweet self)

Is your hair as thick as mine? (No)

Are your arms as pumped as mine? (No)

Are the moves you got as drop-dead hot as this? (No, no, they ain't)

Is your profile half this fine? (No)

If not, lemme hit you with the bottom line

Got to measure up or you won't get eternal bliss (Ooh)

So let me be honest (Honest)

I got to be honest (Honest)

I'm gonna be honest (Ah, yeah)

Whether you like it or not

You're much too short (Too short)

You're way too thin (Too thin)

Is that a blemish on your double chin? (Oh, man)

You'll never walk a runway (No)

Or man a kissin' booth

You're U-G-L-Y (Ugly)

And that's the ugly truth

You ugly, ah, ah, you ugly

You ugly, ah, ah, you ugly

Now, perhaps I've just upset ya

But, people, let's get real (Get real)

It's a most exclusive club that you want in (Want in)

There's a price to pay, you betcha, hey

You gotta look ideal (Ideal)

Or you'll end up in the old recyclin' bin (Recyclin' bin)

Is your smile as white as this? (No)

Are your gluts as tight as this? (No)

Then they'll trash it and they'll mash it into glue (Ooh, poor, poor you)

With a flaw as slight as this, just one tiny detail, it's a big ol' mess

Oops, oh, well, I'm sorry, sayonara, toodle-oo (Ooh)

But, hey, I can help ya (Oh, yeah)

Well, possibly help ya (Oh, yeah)

Well, hopefully help ya (Ah, yeah)

But most of you? Probably not

Your head's too small (Too small)

Your neck's too long (Too long)

Your nose starts right but then ends up all wrong (So wrong)

Mm, that tiny freckle (Ugh)

Ooh, that crooked tooth

You're U-G-L-Y (Ugly)

And that's the ugly truth

(U-G-L-Y, face like that, why even try?)

(U-G-L-Y, bag that head like triple five)

(U-G-L-Y, sorry if that makes you cry)

(You're ugly, so ugly, so) Wait

Look at you, look at you, look at you

I ain't seen nothin' like you before

I mean words fail me, I mean I'm tongue-tied

I mean I'm speechless, baby

What's a thing like you doin' in a place like this?

I gotta tell you, girl, you're pretty

(Pretty ugly)

And that's the ugly truth

(U-G-L-Y, hide your looks to make me fine)

Yeah, so sorry 'bout the truth

(U-G-L-Y, cross my heart and hope to die)

'Cause that's the ugly truth

(U-G-L-Y, love to kiss my lunch goodbye)

Yeah, you're U-G-L-Y

And that's the ugly truth