The Twelve Days of Christmas

B: OK good day, this is the Christmas part of the album and you can play this at your Christmas parties or to yourself on Christmas Eve if there's nothing else to do

D: Good day, eh? In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part

B: Oh, I guarantee ya you'd be on. OK, so good day. This is the Christmas part, and we're gonna tell ya what to get..uh...your true love for Christmas

D: Look out the window!

B: Where? (Chuckle) What are ya doin'?!?

D: Snow, hosehead!

B: Well, oh, it's the Great White North, and it's snowing cause it's Christmas time. Hey, hoser!

D: What?

B: Here's a quiz, quiz for Doug...

D: OK, I have my "thinking toque" on

B: Yeah, right. what are the "Twelve Days of Christmas"? Cause, figure it out, right? Christmas is when?

D: Um, the twenty-fifth

B: Right. And, what's the twenty-fourth...Christmas Eve, right? So

D: That's two

B: And, then what's after that? (Pause) Boxing Day

D: Wrestling Day

D: Boxing Day, yeah, yeah

B: That's three. Then, what's after that? Nothin'!

D: New Year's!

B: Four and what's

D: New Year's Eve?

B: Five. Where do ya get twelve?

D: Uh, there's two Saturdays and Sundays in there, that's four. So, that's nine. And three other days which, I believe, are the "mystery" days

(Music starts)

B: OK, this our Christmas song, just in case you don't know what to get somebody for Christmas

D: There's lots of ideas in here, so listen and don't get stuck!

D: By the way, that's ME on the organ

B: Oh, geez

D: You start...

B: OK...

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a beer

D: On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Two turtle-necks

B: And a beer

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Three French toast

D: Two turtle-necks

B: And a beer

D: There should be more there, eh?

B: Where? Oh, go!

D: Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Four pounds of back-bacon

B: Three French toast

D: Two turtle-necks

B: And a beer

D: In a tree. See, you need more

B: Oh... fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Five golden toques

D: Four pound of back-bacon

B: Three French toast

D: Two turtle necks

B: And a beer... where?

D: (With Bob) In a tree

B: OK, on the sixth...oo, go!

D: ..Christmas, my true love gave to me

C: Six...

D: Six packs of two-four

B & C: Five golden toques

D: Four pounds of back-bacon

B: Three French toast

D: Two turtle-necks

C: And a beer in a tree. OK, OK

B: On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Seven pack of smokes

D: Nice gift. Oh...six packs of two-four

B & C: Five golden toques

D: Four pounds of back-bacon

B: Three French toast

D: Two turtle-necks

C: And a beer, in a tree

D: Whew! This should just be the "Two Days of Christmas", it's too hard for us! Go, hoser

Eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

D: Eight comic books

B & D: Seven packs of smokes

Six pack of two-four

C: Five golden toques

Four pounds of back-bacon

Three French toast

Two turtle-necks

ALL: And a beer...On my tree

B: Yeah, that beer is empty. OK, day, um

C: TWELVE!

D: Good day, and welcome to day twelve..

ALL: Five golden toques

Four pounds of back-bacon

Three French toast

Two turtle-necks

And a beer in a tree!

D: Where'd you learn to do that?

B: Um, albums

D: So, like, that's our song. Merry Christmas

B: Merry Christmas!

D: And good day!

B: Good day! Ha-happy New Year, too

D: Shhh!

B: OK, you know what you left out?

D: What?

B: Donuts!

D: Oh, no!

B: I told you to get donuts. Either on the ninth day, or the tenth day or the eleventh day, but I want donuts!

D: OK, the song's over! Merry Christmas, everybody!

B: Or, on the twelfth day, you could've got me a DOZEN donuts...

D: So,..go out to the stores and get some presents!

B: You could've gone down, to, like, the good donut shops where you buy a dozen, you get another one free, and then it'd be thirteen for the "Thirteen Days of Christmas"!

D: Next Christmas, you can get me a chain-saw!

B: Take off!

(As music fades)

D: Boy, that song was a beauty. It, it moved me

B: Yeah, I think it ranks up there with "Stairway to Heaven"

D: What?