Poor Unfortunate Souls

I admit that in the past I've been a nasty

They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch

But you'll find that nowadays

I've mended all my ways

Repented, seen the light, and made a switch

True, yes

And I fortunately know a little magic

It's a talent that I always have possessed

And dear lady, please don't laugh

I use it on behalf

Of the miserable, lonely, and depressed

Pathetic poor unfortunate souls

In pain, in need

This one longing to be thinner

That one wants to get the girl

And do I help them?

Yes, indeed

You poor unfortunate soul

Go ahead

Make your choice

I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day

It won't cost much

Just your voice

You poor unfortunate soul

It's sad, but true

If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet

You've got the pay the toll

Take a gulp and take a breath

Go ahead, sign the scroll

Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her, boys

The boss is on a roll

Your poor unfortunate soul

Beluga sevruga

Come winds of the Caspian Sea

Larengix glaucitis

Et max laryngitis

La voce to me

Now, sing