Count 'Em up Queek

I needed a vacation

You know, someplace exotic

Where beautiful full bodied native girls reek of coconut scented suntan lotion

A place I could drink the water

And all for just forty nine ninety five

So, I called Clive Dinky's

The home of the "no splinter, full woody" tropical dream vacation and spa salon

(Oh ha ha ha)

Two hours later, there I am

Lookin' straight into the eyes of Mona, "The Monkey Woman"

When all of a sudden, my Ziggy Marley accent kicks in

"Uh oh, Polo, what'cha got down der?

Lookacho belly man, put it in de air

Pick 'em up, put 'em down, count 'em up queek

Watcha got dere bruddah, how much it gonna take?

Let me know, bigalow, cat gotcha tongue?

Pick 'em up, put 'em down, kachicky boo chung"

Come on, sugar, take a walk with me

Down on the sand by the deep blue sea

Take off yer shoes, gonna stay for a week

Pick 'em up, put 'em down, count 'em up queek

Mona had this crazy laugh

(Wha ha ha ha ha)

And was extremely short for her weight

I figure about seven feet

(Ahh)

All of a sudden she points to a sign that says

"Welcome to our sa, Mr. Polo."

Huh! Sa... S-A?

So I say to her

"Hey, Mona, there's no 'p' in the spa,"

And she says, "Yeah, and we'd like to keep it that way."

(Oh ha ha ha)

Come on, sugar, take a walk with me

Down on the sand by the deep blue sea

Take off your shoes, gonna stay for a week

Pick 'em up, put 'em down, count 'em up queek

So, here's what I got

One shaken, not stirred piña colada

A plastic shower cap from the Slipper Inn

Two hours in a heated "sa"

An eight by ten glossy of Mona, "The Monkey Woman"

And the world's most dangerous Ziggy Marley accent

(Oh, ha ha ha) "pick 'em up, put 'em down, kachicky boo chung"

And all for just forty nine ninety five, at Clive Dinky's

The home of the "no splinter, full woody" tropical dream vacation and spa salon

Come on, sugar, take a walk with me

Down on the sand by the deep blue sea

Take off your shoes, gonna stay for a week

Pick 'em up, put 'em down, count 'em up queek