A Little Priest

That's all very well

But what are we going to do about the Italian?

Later on, when it's dark

We'll take him out of the trunk and bury him

Well, yes, of course, we could do that

I don't suppose he's got any relatives

Gonna come poking around looking for him

But you know me

Bright ideas just pop into my head and I keep thinking...

Seems a downright shame

Shame?

Seems an awful waste...

Such a nice plump frame

Wot's-his-name

Has…

Had…

Has...

Nor it can't be traced

Business needs a lift

Debts to be erased

Think of it as thrift

As a gift...

If you get my drift...

No?

Seems an awful waste

I mean

With the price of meat what it is

When you get it

If you get it

Ha!

Good, you got it

Take, for instance

Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop

Business never better, using only pussycats and toast

And a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most

And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste...

Mrs. Lovett

What a charming notion

Eminently practical

And yet appropriate as always

Well, it does seem a waste

Mrs. Lovett

How I've lived without you all these years

It's an idea

I'll never know!

How delectable!

Also undetectable

How choice!

How rare!

Think about it

Lots of other gentlemen'll

Soon be coming for a shave

Won't they?

Think of

All them

Pies!

For what's the sound of the world out there?

What, Mr. Todd, what, Mr. Todd

What is that sound?

Those crunching noises pervading the air?

Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd

Yes, all around

It's man devouring man, my dear—

And who are we to deny it in here?

Ah, these are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett. And desperate measures must be taken. 

Here we are now, hot out of the oven. 

What is that?

It's priest

Have a little priest

Is it really good?

Sir, it's too good, at least

Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh

So it's pretty fresh

Awful lot of fat

Only where it sat

Haven't you got poet

Or something like that?

No, you see the trouble with poet is

How do you know it's

Deceased?

Try the priest

Mm, heavenly

Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps

But then not as bland as curate, either

Good for business, too—always leaves you wanting more

Trouble is, we only get it on Sundays...

Lawyer's rather nice

If it's for a price

Order something else, though, to follow

Since no one should swallow

It twice

Have you any dean?

No, but if you're British and loyal

You might enjoy Royal

Marine

Anyway, it's clean

Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been

Is that squire

On the fire?

Mercy no, sir

Look closer

You'll notice it's grocer

Looks thicker

More like vicar

No, it has to be grocer—it's green

The history of the world, my love

Save a lot of graves

Do a lot of relatives favors...

Is those below serving those up above

Everybody shaves

So there should be plenty of flavors...

How gratifying for once to know—

That those above will serve those down below!

Now let me see

Ah, we've got tinker

No, no, something pinker

Tailor?

Paler

Butler?

Subtler

Potter?

Hotter

Locksmith?

Lovely bit of clerk

Maybe for a lark

Then again, there's sweep

If you want it cheap

And you like it dark

Try the financier—

Peak of his career

That looks pretty rank

Well, he drank

It's a bank

Cashier

Last one really sold

Wasn't quite so old

Have you any beadle?

Next week, so I'm told

Beadle isn't bad till you smell it

And notice how well it's

Been greased

Stick to priest

Now this might be a bit stringy

But then, of course, it's fiddle player

No, this isn't fiddle player

It's piccolo player

How can you tell?

It's piping hot

Then blow on it first!

The history of the world, my sweet

Oh, Mr. Todd, ooh, Mr. Todd

What does it tell?

Is who gets eaten, and who gets to eat

And, Mr. Todd, too, Mr. Todd

Who gets to sell

But fortunately, it's also clear—

That everybody goes down well with beer

Since marine doesn't appeal to you, how about Rear Admiral?

Too salty. I prefer General. 

With or without his privates?

What is that?

It's fop

Finest in the shop

And we have some shepherd's pie peppered

With actual shepherd

On top

And I've just begun

Here's the politician; so oily

It's served with a doily—

Have one?

Put it on a bun

Well, you never know if it's going to run

Try the friar

Fried, it's drier

No, the clergy is really

Too coarse and too mealy

Then actor—

That's compacter

Yes, and always arrives overdone

I'll come again when you

Have judge on the menu

Have charity towards the world, my pet

Yes, yes, I know, my love

We'll take the customers that we can get

High-born and low, my love

We'll not discriminate great from small

No, we'll serve anyone

Meaning anyone—

And to anyone

At all!