Draft Dodger Rag

Oh, I'm just a typical American boy

From a typical American town

I believe in God and Senator Dodd

And a-keepin' old Castro down

And when it came my time to serve

I knew better dead than red

But when I got to my old draft board, buddy

This is what I said

Sarge, I'm only 18, I got a ruptured spleen

And I always carry a purse

I've got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat

My asthma's gettin' worse

Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear

And my poor old invalid aunt

Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school

And I'm a-workin' in a defense plant

I've got a dislocated disc and a wracked up back

I'm allergic to flowers and bugs

And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits

And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs

I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes

I can hardly reach my knees

And if the enemy came close to me

Oh, I'd probably start to sneeze

I'm only 18, got a ruptured spleen

And I always carry a purse

I've got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat

My asthma's gettin' worse

Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear

And my poor old invalid aunt

Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school

And I'm a-workin' in a defense plant

Ooh, I hate Chou En Lai and I hope he dies

But one thing you gotta see

That someone's gotta go over there

And that someone isn't me

So I wish you well, Sarge, give 'em hell

Kill me a thousand or so

And if you ever get a war without blood and gore

I'll be the first to go

Yes, I'm only 18, I got a ruptured spleen

And I always carry a purse

I've got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat

My asthma's gettin' worse

Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear

And my poor old invalid aunt

Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school

And I'm a-workin' in a defense plant