To Catch a Predator

I'm on the internet, posing as a little girl

I'm tryin' to lure evil into my world

I tell them that I'm curious, and I'm only twelve

Mom and Dad are gone for the day; I'm by myself

Buckets of throw up are next to my computer

Hopin' that they show up, 'cause what I'm about to do to them

Would make the Devil sick, I sharpen my blade

Frontin' to this perv, like, "I'm only in the seventh grade"

The doorbell rings, I gotta get them inside

In my best little girl's voice I'm like, "Hi!

Come on in! I'm putting on my bikini!"

And when the door shuts, that's when I let them see me

"Hi there" (Haha) I stab him in the neck first

'Cause it hurts, hit him where the blood squirts

Carve his whole face off and make him eat it

Chain him up by the foot in my basement, bleeding

I'm probably gonna burn for this

Ain't no lesson to learn from this

There's nothing I will earn

But it sure is fun (To catch a predator)

I said it sure is fun (To catch a predator)

And it sure is fun (To catch a predator)

I'm probably gonna burn for this

Ain't no lesson to learn from this

There's nothing I will earn

But it sure is fun (To catch a predator)

I said it sure is fun (To catch a predator)

Soon enough, Feds will be shutting down my service

'Cause people out there think they don't deserve this

Until it's your kid an old man is finger fucking

Titty sucking, then you'll want the knife stuck in

I don't blame you, that's why I catch them in advance

While his dick is still in his pants, they never get the chance

I tell them I'm alone and I'm only thirteen

Looking for a good time, ya know what I mean?

"Bring me some Funyuns, and a Slurpee

Promise not to hurt me, or give me herpes"

And within twenty minutes, here comes a fucking doctor

Knocking on my door, a pedophile butt knocker

"Come in! Have a seat!" and then I stroll in

With the all-purpose hunting blade straight up his colon (Ahh)

I cut his hands off, he ain't touching nobody

Chain him up by the foot in the basement, bloody

"Pla- pla- please Mr. Clown, sir, you don't have to do this"

"Zip it"

"Please, I got money, we ca-"

"Shut it, fucker"

"Please, we can work this out"

"Silence I say"

Stick him next to this other fool, both left for dead

Every time I walk by 'em, I punch them in the head

Cut they fucking dicks off, stick 'em in each other's mouths

"Now what y'all talkin' about?"

I'm probably gonna burn for this

Ain't no lesson to learn from this

There's nothing I will earn

But it sure is fun (To catch a predator)

I said it sure is fun (To catch a predator)

And it sure is fun (To catch a predator)

I'm probably gonna burn for this

Ain't no lesson to learn from this

There's nothing I will earn

But it sure is fun (To catch a predator)

I said it sure is fun (To catch a predator)

"What's in the bag?"

"Funyuns and condoms"

"What's in the bag?"

"Funyuns and condoms"

"What's in the bag?"

"Funyuns and condoms"

"Why did you bring condoms?"

"I didn't mean to"

The house is getting funky, bodies in the basement, stinking

What the fuck am I thinking?

I put my face paint on, go downstairs

And beat they ass sometime, 'cause it ease my mind

Some of them are dead, some are still living

But I'ma hurt them every chance that I'm given

I hit 'em with the nail gun or the stun gun

They can't run, so, they both mad fun

I was sawing a head off when I heard the doorbell

I'm not expecting any predators, but oh well

I took my spot, "Come in! I'll be right there!"

But I left a head sitting on the living room chair

He seen it and ran, I had to give chase

We cut across the lawn with my knife swinging for his face

I threw it, it stuck him in the back of the neck

Still in my drawers, I dragged him home a bloody wreck

"Ahh, somebody, anybody"

"Zip it"

"Stop, please"

"Shut it the fuck up"

"Ahh"

"People are looking, silence"

A bus full of high school kids watched it happened

He kept screaming like a pansy, despite my slapping

Plus, the neighbors seen it, and so did the mail man

But they all never said nothing 'bout it again

I'm probably gonna burn for this

Ain't no lesson to learn from this

There's nothing I will earn

But it sure is fun (To catch a predator)

I said it sure is fun (To catch a predator)

And it sure is fun (To catch a predator)

I'm probably gonna burn for this

Ain't no lesson to learn from this

There's nothing I will earn

But it sure is fun (To catch a predator)

I said it sure is fun (To catch a predator)

"Yo! Liz!"

"Meanwhile, back at the house"

"Hey! Come on in! What kind of alcohol did you bring?"

"I brought Absolute Citron, I brought Mandarin Orange, I brought a shot of Jägermeister"

"Wow"

"In several cases, the men were asked to bring food, alcohol, and condoms"

Law enforcement says this helps show an intent to solicit a minor"

"What do we got here?"

"A bag of Funyuns"

"Funyuns? What about condoms? Did you bring condoms?"

"I did"

"You did?"