String of Pearls

She swings the string of pearls on the corner

The streetlights reflect the light in the water

The string, it snaps and the pearls go sailin'

And they splash and bounce and roll 'cross the wet street

As she bends to chase the pearls a car swings around the corner

She darts from the eyes of the panic struck driver

Who's racin' to the delivery room

'Cause in the backseat, his wife is bustin' out of her womb

And the sack breaks and out come the Siamese twins

Who grow up to become the first President

With two heads

Are better than one

He puts his heads in his hands, says I gotta put my heads together

I can become the best President ever

And not just President

Fend For Yourself

Signs his name, takes the blame for all of the names with no shame

In their beliefs

They adjourn and they leave and in walks a man

With a broom and a knife and blood on his hands

And he sweeps everything under the rug

And goes home to his kids and gives them a hug

But his wife was not there, she had just left a letter

That said you'd be much better off without me

Now his wife took the train to her ex lover's funeral

Who died in the bathroom, hit his head on a urinal

When they got together, the knowledge was carnal

And the widow was at the funeral and they had quite a catfight

And they fell into the hole where the casket was restin'

And the preacher just left in the middle of the service

'Cause death was one thing but women made him nervous

And he ran to his car and he drove 'round the corner

Then something in the street caught the light in his eye

He pulled over, reached down and picked up a pearl from the gutter

And he didn't know what to think

And he brought it home and washed it in the sink

And he gave the pearl to Sister Mary Theresa

Who could not accept it so she gave it to Lisa

A young prostitute who was missin' a pearl

On the necklace that broke late last night