Numbers

I was sittin' in Friday, suckin' on a glass of wine

When in walked this chick, who almost struck me blind

Had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine

On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give her a 9

Now on my scale there ain't no 10s, you know

9 is about as far as any chick can go

So I flashed her a smile, but she didn't even look at me

So for brains and good judgement, I'd give her a 3

I said, "Hey sweet thing, you look like a possible 8

You and me could, uh, make 18 if your head's on straight"

She looked up and down my perfect frame

And said these words that burned into my perfect brain

She said, "Well another one of those macho-matician men

Kind who grade all women on scales of 1 to 10

And uh, you've given me an 8?

Well, that's a generous thing to do

Now, let's just see just how much I give you"

She said, "You comin' on to me with that phony numbers jive

Your style makes me smile, I give it a 5

When you walked up, I noticed that suit of yours

It's last year's double-knit frayed-cuff, give it a 4"

"That must be your car parked out on the curb

That '69 homemade convertible, a 3 and a third

Now as for that build, I guess you're less than 5

'Cept for your pot belly, I'd give that a 10 for size"

"That wine you're pourin' might be fine to you

But I'm used to fine champagne, I give it a 2

It's hard to tell what your flashin' smile is worth

I give it a 6, you could use some dental work"

"But it's your struttin' rooster act that really makes me laugh

It may be a 10 to these country hens, but to me, 3 and a half

And there really ain't much to add once the subtraction's done

And since there ain't no zeroes, I give you a 1"

She walked out, while up and down the line

The whole bar was laughin'

Said, "Bare what happened to your 9?"

9 says, "I hell soon as she started to talk I knew

She didn't have no class, I barely gave her a 2"

Yeah, no matter how good they look at first

There's flaws in all of them

That's why on a scale of 10 to 1, friend

There ain't no 10s