Jesus Is Never Coming Back Because You Won't Stop Touching Yourself

Here we are, we've gone another year without our lord As society breaks down, some find morality a chore Our souls will not be saved We have no guiding light All because of what you do in your room at night Because you're whacking and jacking Slipping and slapping Always you're working Herking and jerking Mindlessly like it ain't no thing You bat around your ding-a-ling And because you won't let go of your meat cord We'll never get a visit from our lord Our pastor says the love of our savior should be enough But you weren't there of course, you were busy with other stuff All day in sweaty gloom You sit inside your room Oh your self-proclivities will lead us to our doom Because you're whacking and jacking Slipping and slapping Gripping and pumping Huffing and grunting Loudly heard throughout the house Sounds like you're trying to rip it out And because you're always tugging on god's clay Our lord Jesus will not return today Oh we could live in peace for all eternity But even for our lord some things just cannot be unseen Because you're whacking and jacking Slipping and slapping Bent over and slumping Like oil you're pumping From early hours till it's late You wrestle with your demon snake And because you flog your log instead of pray Our lord Jesus Christ has turned and walked away