The Real Slime Shady

The moon is full (full), the cave is deep

Anybody who is sane is asleep ('sleep)

It's deep down here, don't creep down here

Or you might disappear suddenly down here

Welcome

Come inside my hole

I'm very much obliged (yes)

My friends call me

But you might know me as Slime (hi)

I am the massivest, giant, gelatinous

Guy in this cavernous mine

My only passion is hiding in passages

Frightening passing chumps, hi!

I'm in your messages, slide in like catheters

Right in your bladder, surprise!

Try to fly and you'll happen to find

That you're trapped in a dilemma Kafka could write (deep)

You can try and hit back, when I die

I just snap as if I am elastic incised (boing)

"Look at the size of this bastard, dividing like matter"

The kind that'll happen when atoms collide (boom)

Not about to deny it

I'm having a fabulous time rapping this rhyme

I cram it with multisyllabics and double entendres

In patterns that baffle your mind

I flip mathematic like a poltergeist (boo)

Because when I divide, then I multiply (hoo)

I'm not the sort to die, wouldn't resort to violence

'Cause the more you try it, then the more I riot

One on one, I'm a one-man army

Come on, bruv, no one can harm me

We aren't going to cause any trouble now, are we?

So turn around and start running for your life, calmly

The moon is full, the cave is deep (deep)

Anybody who is sane is asleep

It's deep down here, don't creep down here

Or you might disappear suddenly down here

I look like a creeper's head if he was dead

Of being beheaded by guillotine (chop)

Instead of creeping up on villagers

To burst to smithereens (pop)

In here, your screams don't mean a hill of beans

No being can hear a thing

No sweet idyllic scenes of village greens

You're merely here to bleed

Amid dirt, and in grime, you might just bump into slime

Two for the price of one, look

I'm providing such a good time

I'm the verdant-est slice of Turkish delight

Lurk in the murk of the mines, don't you look twice

A kind word of advice

Hi, my name's Slime Shady

Don't know why, but Scru Face Jean's on my mind lately

My baby, come writhe in my gravy

Twice daily, you're right in my lane

Better drive safely

When I'm pulling you aside

It's nothing like a traffic stop on a white lady

So you won't survive by being a cry baby

You can try vainly or die bravely

I'm a single father-mother, call me dad and mommy

Flouting the Chinese, one child policy

Started at the bottom, now I've got a bloody colony

I could be a doctor teaching epidemiology

The moon is full, the cave is deep (deep)

Anybody who is sane is asleep ('sleep)

It's deep down here, don't creep down here

Or you might disappear suddenly down here

I might seem green, but I'm just jelly

Putting you in a jam, like gooseberries

It's very clear I need intervention

Like when I bukkaked Peter Venkman

See me just skeet, without an erection

Spreding my seed in every direction

You're gonna need some heavy protection

When I release the rest of 'em, ha

Hold up, you've hit the sloppiest roadblock

You and your crew can run up and get coldcocked

We're a chip off of the old block

How come a Minecraft parody's a whole bop? (What?)

Even with no cock, no ovulation

We're causing overpopulation

Mobs in a mob, self-replicating

Sorry we're late and kept you waiting

Under a full moon, what would a fool do

To win a fortune? And will it fall through?

Couldn't afford to, but could have fooled you

Cos to a fault, you keep getting fooled

You are like the fall dew, back every morn new

Didn't I warn you? Didn't it dawn on you?

That when we fall on your sword, then we're born anew?

Don't make us keep repeating, are we boring you?

Though I'd like to stay around, alas, I can't stick

About very long, gotta bounce, gotta split

So put down your stick, there's no need to attack

If you do, or you don't, we will keep coming back

When the moon is full, the cave is deep (deep)

Anybody who is sane is asleep

It's deep down here, don't creep down here

Or you might disappear suddenly down here