You Can Call Me Al

A man walks down the street and says

Why am I soft in the middle?

Why am I soft in the middle

When the rest of my life is so hard?

I need a shot of redemption and I

Want a photo opportunity

Don't want to end up a cartoon

In a cartoon graveyard

Bone digger, bone digger

Dogs in the moonlight

Far away from my well lit door

And mister beer belly, beer belly

Get these mutts away from me

I don't find this stuff amusing anymore

So if you'll be my bodyguard

I can be your long lost pal

And I can call you Betty

And Betty when you call me

You can call me Al

A man walks down the street and says

Why am I short of attention?

Got a short little span of attention

And whoa, my nights are so long

Where's my wife and family?

What if I die here?

Who'd be my role model?

Now that my role model is gone, gone

He ducked down the alley with some

Roly-poly, little bat-faced girl

And all along, all along

There were incidents and accidents

There were hints and allegations

So if you'll be my bodyguard

I can be your long lost pal

I can call you Betty

And Betty when you call me

You can call me Al

A man walks down the street

It's a street in a strange world

Maybe it's the third world and

Maybe it's his first time around

He doesn't speak the language

And he holds no currency

He is a foreign man

And he is surrounded by the sound, the sound

Of cattle in the market place

Scatterlings of orphanages

And he looks around, around

And he sees angels in the architecture

Spinning in infinity

And he says, amen and hallelujah

So if you'll be my bodyguard

I can be your long lost pal

And I can call you Betty

And Betty when you call me

You can call me Al

If you'll be my bodyguard

I can be your long lost pal

And I can call you Betty

And Betty when you call me

You can call me Al, hoo, hoo, hoo