Can I Interest You in Hannukah?

Can I interest you in Hanukkah?

Maybe something in a Festival of Lights

It's a sensible alternative to Christmas

And it lasts for seven, for you? Eight nights

(Hannukah, huh? I've never really thought about it)

Well, you could do worse

(Is it merry?) It's kind of merry

(Is it cheery?) It's got some cheer

(Is it jolly?) Look, I wouldn't know from jolly

But it's not my least unfavorite time of year

(When's it start?) On the 25th

(Of December?) Kislev

(Which is when exactly?) I will check

(Are there presents?) Yes, indeed, eight days of presents

Which means one nice one, then a week of dreck

(Does Hanukkah commemorate events profound and holy?)

(A king who came to save the world?)

No, oil that burned quite slowly

(Well, it sounds fantastic) There's more

We have latkes (What are they?)

Potato pancakes

We have dreidels (What are they?)

Wooden tops

We have candles (What are they?)

They are candles!

And when we light them, oh, the fun, it never stops

What do you say, Stephen, do you want to give Hannukah a try?

I'm trying to see me as a Jew

I'm trying even harder

But I believe in Jesus Christ

So it's a real non-starter

I can't interest you in Hannukah?

Just a little bit? (No thanks, I'll pass)

(I'll keep Jesus, you keep your potato pancakes)

(But I hope that you enjoy 'em)

(On behalf of all the goyim)

Be sure to tell the Pontiff

My people say, "Good Yontiff"

(That's exactly what I'll do)

Happy holidays, you too (Jew)

Too?