Lancer (From "Deltarune")

(Lancer crashes in on his safety bike)

Lancer: Ho ho ho! The heroes are already running away… and they didn’t even know I was here! My dad’s gonna make me Son of the Month!

Susie: Who the hell are you?

Lancer: I’m… the bad guy! I even have my own theme song! It goes like this!

(Music starts)

Lancer: Da da da da! Da da da da da da da da da da!

Susie: Those aren’t lyrics.

Lancer: Yeah they are!

Susie: You’re just saying “da da da” over and over!

Lancer: Gimme a second! Gosh! Lyric writing is really hard!

(Sung)

I’m Lancer, prince of spades!

Tonight I’m gonna have my day!

Beep beep on the mic, on the bike, gonna strike,

Better get out of my way!

Pedal on, ‘til the Lightners are gone,

And then I’m gonna say yay!

(Tiny yay)

Susie: Um…

Lancer:

Oh you sweet fools and clowns

Tonight you’re going down

Gonna get the goal as I go rolling

Through this empty town!

Oh don’t you know

In our dark fountain

And your tears

You’re gonna drown!

Spare the rod and spoil me!

I’m the coolest in my family!

I’m the villain in the game!

And your face is kinda lame!

In my kingdom you will find

Nothing’s ever gonna shine

Dare you dare my maze of signs?

Susie: I am losing my mind…

Here I go, my father’s son!

Don’t you know I’m number one?

Susie: Are you done?

Lancer: Um… no!

Beep beep! Here come the wheels!

You like wrestling? I’m a heel!

You know what? I really feel

Like we’ve grown closer today!

You can’t stop my evil plan!

Now I’m gonna stand in your way!

(Spoken)

Susie: Dude. Are you… just standing there?

Lancer: No! I’m just standing there… MENACINGLY!

Susie: There are so many way more evil things you could be doing…

Lancer: Ooh! I like the way you think, purple lady! Why, I could…

(Sung)

Drink straight from the lake!

Eat someone else’s birthday cake!

Since I’m the bad guy,

What I want, I take!

Maybe I could dig a hole!

Then dig a bigger hole!

Don’t stop me now, I’m on a roll!

I’m the riding ace of spades!

Life’s a game, I love to play!

Coming up with rhymes is hard!

Hey, why don’t you pick a card?

(Spoken)

Susie: This card says “proud member of the Lancer Fan Club.”

Lancer: And I, for one, am so proud to be a fan of you guys! Now we’re all fans of each other!

Susie: Aren’t you supposed to be the bad guy?

Lancer: Maybe deep down, we’re all just “guys.”

(Sung)

Spare the rod and spoil me!

I’m the coolest in my family!

I’m the villain-er, regular guy!

I came up with that rhyme on the fly!

I’m Lancer, prince of spades!

Tonight I’m gonna have my day!

Beep beep! Here come the wheels!

You like wrestling? I’m a heel!

You know what? I really feel

Like we’ll see each other soon, and do EVIL!

(Spoken)

Susie: You didn’t even try to rhyme that one!

Lancer: *Biking away* I’ll do better next tiiiiiiiime!

Susie: Aren’t you gonna finish the chorus?

Lancer: No! ‘Cause I’m EVIL! I learned NOTHING WHATSOEVER!