Joel the Lump of Coal (feat. Jimmy Kimmel)

Sometime ago at Santa's place

Up in the old North Pole

There lived a lump of anthracite

Whose parents called him Joel

Joel, Joel, the lump of coal

Happy as a lump can be

He just wants to keep Santa warm

And make the elves cozy

But Santa Claus had other plans

For Joel one fateful day

Joel, you're just the lump I need

Come join me on my sleigh

Joel, Joel, the lump of coal

Heart leapt up with joy

I'll soon be Santa's present to

A lucky girl or boy

We'll laugh and play together

And we'll hold each other tight

Snuggle under clean white sheets

When we go to sleep at night

Then Santa's elves all laughed at Joel

You're in for a surprise

You're not a special Christmas gift

You're just a booby prize

What kid would ever want you?

You're filthy as can be

And now you have to go and live

With one who's been naughty

But I make heat, poor Joel cried

And electricity

You pollute the air with CO2 and mercury

Joel, Joel, the lump of coal

Fell down upon his knees

I don't wanna live with a naughty kid

Don't make me, Santa, please

But Santa laughed his jolly laugh

Ho, ho, you stupid lump

You're just the thing to teach this brat

That Santa ain't no chump

So off they flew and before he knew

Joel was in a sack

He cried and yelled to Santa Claus

Why don't we just go back?

And then came Christmas morning

And much to Joel's surprise

He saw a boy with the saddest face

And tears were in his eyes

He picked Joel up and held him

Said, you can be my friend

I would've liked some presents but

You're what Santa chose to send

It's true, I've been a naughty boy

And maybe that's a sin

If this is how Santa treats the kids

I'm just glad that I'm not him

Joel, Joel, the lump of coal

Knew what he must do

He said, now I know the reason why

I got sent to you

'Cause when a person hurts inside

It turns him hard and cruel

But I know how to make your pain

Into a precious jewel

So take me in your hand, young man

And squeeze with all your might

Let's turn your pain and anger into something that shines bright

Then Joel, Joel, the lump of coal

He gave his life away

For one good naughty little boy

Found a diamond on Christmas day