The Squip Song

Freshman year

I didn't have a girlfriend or a clue

I was a loser, just like you

Good times would only soar by

I was gross

As every female would attest

My sexting was futile quest

My little penis was depressed

He was so lonely, poor guy

I was hopeless, hopeless

I was helpless, helpless

Every time I'd walk the hallway

I would trip

I was stagnant and idle

I was so suicidal

And then, then, then

Then, then, then, then

Then, then, then, then

Then, then

I got a Squip

(You got quick?)

Not quick, Squip

(I've just never heard of it before)

Yeah, that's the point

This is some top secret, can't even look it up on the internet shit

It's from Japan

It's a gray, oblong pill

Quantum, nano-technology CPU

The quantum computer in the pill

Will travel through your blood until

It implants in your brain, and it tells you what to do

(So, it's like drugs?)

It's better than drugs, Jeremy

It's from Japan

It's a gray, oblong pill

Quantum, nano-technology CPU

The quantum computer in the pill

Will travel through your blood until

It implants in your brain, and it tells you what to do

It tells you what to do

It's pre-programmed

It's amazing

Speaks to you directly

You'll behave as

It's appraising

Helps you act correct

Helps you to be cool

It helps you rule

Picture this

Nobody cares if you are late

Because even teachers think you're great

Your weekend's just a full-on slate

Of blowout benders

Of teenage rockstar splendor

Right now, you're helpless, helpless

You are almost hopeless

On the school social map, you're just a blip

But if you take my advice

And if you pay the listed price

Well, then you go from sad to interesting

To hip, yeah, and your whole life will flip

When you buy a Squip

Hey, yeah, a Squip

Oh, oh, a Squip

Hey, yeah, no longer a drip

When you got in your grip

A Squip

A Squip

A Squip