99 Problems

If you havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son

I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one

I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol

Foes that wanna make sure my casket's closed

Rap critics to say, "He's money, cash, hoes"

I'm from the hood, stupid, what type of facts are those?

If you grew up with holes in your zapatos

You celebrate the minute you was havin' dough

I'm like, fuck critics, you can kiss my whole asshole

If you don't like my lyrics, you can press fast-forward

Got beef with radio if I don't play they show

They don't play my hits, well, I don't give a shit, so

Rap mags tryna use my Black ass

So advertisers could give 'em more cash for ads, fuckers

I don't know what you take me as

Or understand the intelligence that Jay-Z has

I'm from rags to riches, ****, I ain't dumb

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me

99 problems but a bitch ain't one

If you havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me

Year's '94 and my trunk is raw

In my rearview mirror is the motherfuckin' law

Got two choices, y'all, pull over the car or (Hmm?)

Bounce on the devil, put the pedal to the floor

Nah, I ain't tryna see no highway chase with Jake

Plus I got a few dollars, I could fight the case

So I pull over to the side of the road

I heard, "Son, do you know why I'm stoppin' you for?"

'Cause I'm young, and I'm Black, and my hat's real low

Do I look like a mind reader, sir? I don't know

Am I under arrest, or should I guess some more?

"Well, you was doin' fifty-five in the fifty-four" (Uh-huh)

"License and registration, and step outta the car"

"Are you carryin' a weapon on you? I know a lot of you are"

I ain't steppin' outta shit, all my papers legit

"Well, do you mind if I look around the car a lil' bit?"

Well, my glove compartment is locked, so is the trunk in the back

And I know my rights, so you gon' need a warrant for that

"Aren't you sharp as a tack, you some type of lawyer or somethin'?"

"Somebody important or somethin'?"

I ain't passed the bar, but I know a lil' bit

Enough that you won't illegally search my shit

"Well, we'll see how smart you are when the K9 come"

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me

99 problems but a bitch ain't one

If you havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me

99 problems but a bitch ain't one

If you havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me

Now once upon a time not too long ago

A **** like myself had to strong arm a ho

This is not a ho in the sense of havin' a pussy

But a pussy havin' no goddamn sense, try and push me

I tried to ignore 'em, talked to the Lord, prayed for 'em

But some fools just love to perform

You know the type, loud as a motorbike

But wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight

And the only thing that's gon' happen is I'ma get to clappin', and

He and his boys gon' be yappin' to the captain

And there I go trapped in the Kit Kat again

Back through the system with the riff-raff again

Fiends on the floor scratchin' again

Paparazzis with they cameras snappin' them

DA try to give a **** shaft again

Half a mill' for bail 'cause I'm African

All because this fool was harrassin' them

Tryin' to play the boy like he saccharine

But ain't nothin' sweet 'bout how I hold my gun

I got 99 problems, bein' a bitch ain't one, hit me

99 problems but a bitch ain't one

If you havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me

99 problems but a bitch ain't one

If you havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me

Havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son

I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one, ha-ha

You're crazy for this one, Rick

It's your boy