Hello Muddah Hello Faddah

Hello mother, hello father

Here I am at Camp Granada

Camp is very entertaining

And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining

I went hiking with Joe Spivey

He developed poison ivy

You remember Lennard Skinard

He got ptomain poisoning last night after dinner

All the counselors hate the waiters

And the lake has alligators

And the head coach wants no sissies

So he reads to us from something called 'Ulysses'

No, I don't want this should scare ya

But my bunkmate has malaria

You remember Jeffrey Hardy

They're about to organize a searching party

Take me home, oh mother, father

Take me home, I hate Granada

Don't leave me out in the forest

Where I might get eaten by a bear

Take me home, I promise I will not make noise

Or mess the house with other boys

Oh, please don't make me stay

I've been here one whole day

Dearest father, darling mother

How's my precious little brother

Let me come home if you miss me

I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me

Wait a minute, it stopped hailing

Guys are swimming, guys are sailing

Playing baseball, gee that's better

Mother, father, kindly disregard this letter